The Talk
by BananaphoneBob
Summary: “Son, I think you’re old enough now to understand a few more things about life.” He sat, frozen to his chair, not understanding his father’s true concept of ‘The Talk’ SasuSaku one-shot T for major innuendos


**Howdy partners! I know, something else to disrupt the time that should be for my other stories (or homework, but who likes that?), but after being inspired yesterday about this, I felt the need to write it straight away. **_**The Wrong One**_** and **_**Burnt Toast**_** haven't been forgotten about, I promise you, I've just had so much stuff to do thanks to 6****th**** Form ¬¬ College sucks lol.**

**So for now, I bring you this one-shot, hoping it will raise your spirits (and mine since I'm being forced to stay inside all day thanks to my really sore throat)**

**Also, I'd like to dedicate this to existence555, who was the first (and so far **_**only**_**) to review my other one-shot, **_**Goodbye To You**_**. Whether she reads this or not, I think it's only fair to dedicate it to her =) Hope you like!!!**

**WARNING! (please read): A lot of OOCness (Sasuke says an entire speech) and A LOT of innuendos. If you have a clean, innocent mind that doesn't want to be destroyed just yet, or if you have a disgustingly dirty mind (like me) and fear of it exploding, as much as I hate to admit it, I would suggest you not reading. However, if you are one of those two things and read this, please don't flame me telling me how horrible I am or how I should've kept it clean because I have warned you! So I don't want any flames about the innuendo-y stuff that's said.**

**Now my rant's out of the way …**

**ENJOY!!!**

**The Talk.**

"He's thirteen now."

Sasuke peered up at his wife from beneath his bangs and smirked, ignoring the mushy food being thrown at him from their 9 month old daughter. "Well done for knowing your son's age."

She turned to him and glared; the dish she was washing currently forgotten about.

"Don't you think you should talk to him … about … you know, what men do? He's going to need to know soon, and I think today's the perfect opportunity."

Sasuke sighed and stood up from his seat, letting his youngest child out of the high chair and placing her comfortably in his arms as she cooed happily.

"Why is today so special? Am I missing 'Give Your Son the Talk' day again? I hate when that happens." He dodged as the pink-haired beauty before him flicked bubbles at his face, smiling as they heard their baby's laughter as she tried to reach out and pop them.

"No, I just think that you should. He's been grounded after all, and he's stuck in his room all alone reading nothing but comic books … I still don't understand why we had to buy him those … and it's a great chance to give him The Talk. Plus, with me and Ino tak-"

"Ahh, I see what this is about. Ino's coming over and you are taking Akira out, and you want me to do it now so that you don't have to suffer the embarrassment. Am I right?"

She turned back to the dishes and began scrubbing them again. "Maybe. Look can you do it? _Please_? I promise as soon as Akira's old enough I'll give her the other Talk. And we can go halves on explaining it to Emiko when she's older and Taro."

After pouting her irresistible pout that she knew he couldn't say no to, Sasuke sighed and placed Akira in her chair again (much to her disappointment) and wrapped his arms around his wife from behind.

"It's a deal, Sakura" He said, and she could feel his breathe on her neck, which momentarily stopped her doing anything. She (almost) inwardly cursed for his charm still working like that after so long.

Sasuke let go of the pinkette slowly, and walked out the kitchen to head towards his son's bedroom. Walking up the stairs, he heard a knock at the door, and Sakura running to get it, most likely still in the yellow rubber gloves that he thought were pointless to have. Their usual routine squeals and hugs occurred, before Sakura rushed back into the kitchen to grab their youngest daughter.

"Okay, Sasuke-kun, we'll be back later! Emiko is still at Naruto and Hinata's house, I'll probably pick her up on our way home, kay, have fun! Bye, Taro!"

After a grunt from the boy's bedroom left her satisfied, Sakura, Ino and Akira left the house, closing the door with a loud bang.

At once, the sudden silence in the threshold was enough to knock Sasuke backwards.

But it didn't.

He continued to walk towards Taro's room, stopping briefly as his hand reached for the handle, having only just realised that he had no clue how he was going to start this conversation.

He sighed, figuring that, as an Uchiha, something would come to his mind eventually, and braced himself for the awkwardness that was about to ensue.

The door handle turned and the door opened. Onyx eyes were met with darkness as he searched the room for his son. When he found him lying on his bed, reading one of Sakura's medical scrolls (how he managed to get that would forever remain a mystery to Sasuke), he fully went inside and shut the door, switching on the light as he did so.

"GAH! DAD!? What was that for?!"

Taro, who had apparently been listening to music too and hadn't noticed his fathers arrival, ripped out his earphones and gave his Uchiha Death Glare (and, although he wasn't quite experienced as his father (with the Glare), Sasuke had to admit it was becoming a pretty evil Death Glare, and could very soon give Naruto a run for his money).

Sasuke smirked and walked towards his son's bed, sitting on the edge of it. Taro sat up slightly, his black side fringe completely hiding his left eye, and the other emerald green eye sparkled with curiosity.

Sasuke took a deep breath and looked at his son, knowing that everything he said now would be made up from the top of his head.

"Taro … you're thirteen now –"

"Well done, for knowing your son's age."

Sasuke glared slightly, his own words being thrown back in his face, and continued. "– and I think it's about time you know about … what men … do."

Okay, so he was taking every word Sakura had said to him earlier, so it wasn't really made up, but even Uchiha's needed a starting point, right?

Taro sat up more now, crossing his legs on his bed, looking intrigued in the conversation, yet somewhat terrified about what was going to be said next.

"Now, of course, you could've already started doing it, but judging by your face I'd say you haven't …"

Taro's eyes widened and his face turned beet red (an attribute he picked up from his mother) and attempted to hide it by looking down at his bed sheets.

"Umm … dad … you really don't need to talk to me about … this … I already –"

"No, no, Taro, I need to tell you. I'd already started by the time I was your age. Not because I excelled greatly in everything, but because I didn't want to look like a werewolf due to lack of doing it. I know you'll be going on more missions now that you're thirteen, and it's a good time to start thinking about what you need to do before them. To make sure you don't get … what's the right word … _hairy_, you should ensure that you do it every morning before you go on a mission. Of course, the first few times, you may get it wrong and you may cut yourself or make a mess, but don't worry. It'll clean off easily. I'll be there for your first time, so you don't have to worry too much…"

"Y-you'll b-be th-there?" Taro's voice had raised an octave and it was so high he feared for the windows. Knowing that Taro only became high-pitched when he was embarrassed about something, Sasuke placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Yes, you don't need to be embarrassed about it; it's something all men go through. I was annoyingly there for Naruto's first time, after he, and occasionally your mother, insisted and irritated the hell out of me. He was terrible at it his first time; there was so much blood from where he cut himself we had to call Tsunade-sama to take him to the hospital. Safe to say, Hinata's face was priceless, even I had to admit.

"Maybe we could start now, since we're the only two in the house, I could … help you do it."

Taro, who was frozen in shock throughout the entire speech, shook his head quickly; eyes still wide and face still red.

"Alright then. Would you prefer to wait until your mothers home to help clean up any accidents? Bearing in mind that your sister is coming back with her and I'm sure she would very much enjoy watching you doing it."

Taro couldn't take anymore. He jumped off his bed and pointed a finger at his father menacingly.

"I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX!"

Was all he said before running out the room and out into the back garden, where Sasuke saw him from the window huddled in a corner and shaking terribly.

Sasuke watched wide-eyed for a while, before shaking his head and muttering to himself.

"I was only talking about shaving."

**Wow … this came out so much worse than I had intended it to … again, sorry for the … bluntness of it, but the idea was, unfortunately, in my head, and you tell me that you can't have that idea and not write it down to share with others xD **

**I can safely say it's a bit different to the last one-shot I did … yeah …**

**Here are the SasuSaku kids:**

**Akira – "bright" or "clear" – she had short pink hair and onyx eyes, she was 9 months old, as it said in the fic.**

**Emiko – "beautiful child" or "smiling child" – even though you don't actually see her, she is the second child of the Uchihas. She has long, black hair and green eyes, like her brother, Taro. She's 8 years old.**

**Taro – "great son" or "eldest son" – the victim in this whole story hehe. Black hair, pretty much the same as Sasuke's, chicken ass and all, but he has a side fringe. Not feminine at all, just thought it would look cute. He has the green eyes as well like it said.**

**That's their children, Emiko was at the NaruHina house because she was probably chilling with their kid … who you can make up for yourself … Tsunade is still Hokage in this fic … umm … Taro was grounded because he and some friends (they can be whoever you want them to be) were messing around at school (if he wasn't a SasuSaku kid, I'd say he was the same as Naruto) so yeah … any other questions, please don't hesitate to ask! **

**And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!**

**Chocolate Chip Cookies for everyone that does!!! =D**

**Over and Out**

**-x-Emma-x-**


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